Lost and Found

Change is the worst thing ever!

In art I like my own style; I follow my own beat, and that’s what I believe makes me so unique. I always thought my art didn’t need improvement because it was already so good. I was so stubborn that I didn’t absorb my teachers' lessons out of pure disinterest and would always concentrate more on my social life. I just wanted to go at things my own way like I always had. I was lost in my own way of thinking, until one day my eyes were opened.

I had been in a bummer mood after fighting with my “best” friends about something stupid and my art teacher at the time noticed. She had been showing us how to paint a still life in which I took no interest whatsoever. She then asked me to stay after class, which I did; she proceeded to tell me that I was good at art, the best in the class in fact. That’s where the ‘but’ came in. She told me I had to let loose and try what she was teaching the class. I was not happy about that, especially since I was going through a social crisis! However, the next day I came into class and grabbed the materials needed to begin. I realized I had to accept this assignment and actually push myself to at least try. I was indifferent at first, lazily putting my brush down on the canvas, mixing colors around until they turned a gross brown. But day by day, to my surprise I started getting more and more invested in what I was doing, forgetting about the drama of my social life. I was naive of the fact that change was inevitable, people come and go in life all the time, especially friends. And no matter how many people surrounded me, I always felt alone. I became dependent, ignoring my needs and focusing on the people who came into my life and their needs. I never wanted anyone to leave me. I acted like the “dumb, goofy friend” half the time and they never took me seriously. I was desperate not to feel lonely anymore. What I didn’t realize with all this was that I didn’t respect myself. I wasn’t my own best friend. And art helped me realize that.

Whenever I had a hard time talking about my feelings, I drew. Whenever I was bored, I drew. Whenever, wherever, I drew. It was my escape from reality, my happy place, where I could express myself however I wanted. I stayed in my room just making art. I was able to talk to myself about how I felt and what I hoped would be different in my life. I ended up coming to the conclusion that the only person who could change my life for the better was me. These people in my life weren’t going to change the way I hoped; they had to choose that for themselves, as did I. So I got off my butt and began focusing on my priorities.

At my own pace, I deleted all social media and started going outside more, hanging out with my family, and working on my studies. Every day when looking in the mirror, I started to change my self- image, knowing I was good enough and finding who I was meant to be. I stopped pushing away the people who actually cared about me and allowed them to help whenever I needed them. I slowly accepted change and became more open to new things, but still kept my best interests at heart.
Today, not only has my art improved so much, but so has my mindset and my feelings towards life. My style and beat are still the same, but my techniques have changed immensely.

Change isn’t the worst thing ever.